It's Time To Leap

Boxes are being packed and clothes are sorted into the yes, no, maybe piles.  Last minute details are being thought of and added to a list that is becoming shorter and shorter as the days tick by.  This is it.  We are about to be empty nesters.

Of course there were days in the past 20 years, when babies screamed or frustrations mounted or exhaustion set in, that we looked to this day as a day of freedom.  We will have done it!  Raised two kids to adulthood!

Who knew those 20 years would feel like they went by in a second?  Yet, here we are, about to send our baby off to college.  We will come home to a quieter, emptier house.  I feel a little bit nervous, not just for our daughter off doing new college things, but for us, learning how to do this as two people, not just 'mom' and 'dad'.

We stand on the edge of new possibilities and know with one step, we will start writing the next chapter.  I don't want us to be timid with our steps.  This is going to be a grand adventure, with travel and fun and all around good times with lots of hand holding and secret language smiles.  Be brave! Be bold!  Be us!

So, buck up little cowboys, it's time to leap.

Real Talk

I may not always say the right thing.
Actually, I know I won't always say the right thing.
I know I won't always have the right words.
I will make mistakes,
I will make huge mistakes,
That make you harden your eyes
And give me a well deserved glare.
But I promise I will always try.
I will always give of myself, over and above,
I will always love and support and care for you,
All ways, all hows, all time,
Because that is what Moms do.

Inspired by prompt #5 at Mama's Losin' It!

It's The Last Time

I recently read this article and I felt its truth all the way to my soul.  As my son grew up, he stopped trick or treating, choosing to stay home and hand out candy, but my daughter has been the opposite.  She has embraced every Halloween as joyfully as she did when she was a toddler.

Every year since she reached a certain age, a certain maturity, a certain height, I cringed when people asked what I was doing for Halloween.  I will admit to worrying about how others would react when they heard I was taking my high school daughter and her friends trick or treating.  Would they think the girls were too old?  That I should tell them to leave this night of childhood joy behind and be young adults?  Would they be turned away from doors with the admonishment that Halloween is for kids?

The thing is, she is still a kid. She plans her costumes, she embraces the fun and excitement of this night, she knocks on her great-grandparents door to show off her outfit, she says thank you with real gratitude. She is a high school senior this year, this last year of true childhood, and I know this will be the last time I take her out, with the car full of laughing girls and sugar flowing through veins. I am going to savor it.  I am not ashamed of wanting her to stay young as long as she can.

There will be plenty of years to come when she will be standing on the other side of the door, handing out the treats.

Those Dreaded Words

After my daughter listened to a long and mostly boring story involving me being unhappy that people I know saw me in my yard working clothes: my least flattering yoga pants (here my husband asks if any yoga pants are flattering?) and a ratty old shirt fit for nothing else but dirty yard work or the rag bin, after that story, my daughter responded with those dread words daughters everywhere fear:

"You sound just like Grandma."

What?  I am shocked!  I never!  I.....um......I agree.  

I remember listening to my mom fuss about being seen in her gardening clothes and it was so embarrassing for her.  But instead of being dismayed  that I sound just like my Mom, I thought of even worse words.

"She was right!"

Let's Talk Motherhood

I think that I would rather go through childbirth again instead of watching my child's heart break.  Childbirth was easy!  There's an end in sight, I've just got to push this baby out.

Heartache, on the other hand, is something only time will ease.  And all my love and care and fierce devotion can not fix those hurts.

It was easier when they were babies.  They cried, I held them or fed them or changed them or sang them a favorite song and all was better just because I, Mommy, was there.  Every mother since the dawn of time has experienced this, it is nothing new.  We take our hearts and have them live outside of us and it hurts to the quick when they are hurt.

It's not just growing up, it's life.  Sometimes life kicks and even as a grown up, it stings, and I'm sure my Mom feels the same way about me.  Your child's actual age does not matter when it comes to how you feel when you look at them.

These are my children, my babies, my hearts, and they will be even when I'm 101 and they are 80 and 78.