Jiminy Cricket!!

I drag myself out of bed at 1:30ish in the morning because nature is calling. And my husband just got home from a concert and kind of woke me up a little, but enough I knew I had to go before I could drop back into sleep. I shuffle to the bathroom, with only one eye half opened, no glasses because finding them and putting them on would wake me up even more, so I'm going about with blurry, sleepy vision. I push the bathroom door open, step one foot in, as I flip the light on, I take another step and felt it.

It was a terrible wet popping sound from under my heel. Jiminy Cricket! That's not what you want to hear or feel when you are barefoot, half blind and completely sleep stupid.

I calmly keep walking to the toilet and as I sit I stare at the brown smooshed blob that is on the floor. I check my foot. Yep. Wet with some kind of bug guts. Is that a long bug leg by my foot? Or a piece of grass?

Gag a little, feel creepy crawlies all over, wish to heck I was wearing my glasses so I could see better. Pretty sure it's a giant spider. After washing my hands I go over to the brown blob to check it out. I was feeling true horror that I had stepped on a giant spider. I briefly consider calling my husband out of bed so he can clean it up because I hate big spiders that much.

A closer look reveals that isn't quite how I think a stepped on spider should look. I scoop it up with toilet paper and think, could that be? Is it? A cricket?

Where on earth did a cricket come from? I don't think I've ever seen one in our yard or in our house. I take it back to my husband and make him turn on the lights too look at it. Yep. It's a cricket. That's totally weird. He says he hopes I won't mind, but he's going to throw it away in a garbage that is not in our room.

Good idea. I don't want that thing in my room. Turns out, I wish it had been a giant spider. Those things you know are wandering around your house and you expect to see them at some point, hopefully not in the middle of the night while you are going potty, but even so that would not be a surprise. A cricket, on the other hand, is something odd and weird and the odder and weirder something is, the creepier it is.

I learned something about myself today. I don't like Pinocchio just because it's a lame, super gay story and a terrible movie. I hate crickets. Jiminy is no friend of mine. Besides the obvious (he is a cricket), he's also always right, and you know how annoying that kind of person is!