I Love.

I love a good walk, a good book and a good coffee.

I love dry socks after a wet day.

I love blankets warmed by dogs.

I love moments of peaceful silence.

I love the gift that is our life, the promise of each new day, the wonder that is the simple act of breathing in and out.

I don't love the hard stuff.  I can't even pretend.  The hurt, the sorrow, the sadness.  The loss, the loneliness, the tears.

I do love how the hard stuff makes me appreciate the little things all the more.  Every hug I get from my Mom is dearer today than it was six months ago, when we didn't know then what we know today.

I love.

It's Time To Leap

Boxes are being packed and clothes are sorted into the yes, no, maybe piles.  Last minute details are being thought of and added to a list that is becoming shorter and shorter as the days tick by.  This is it.  We are about to be empty nesters.

Of course there were days in the past 20 years, when babies screamed or frustrations mounted or exhaustion set in, that we looked to this day as a day of freedom.  We will have done it!  Raised two kids to adulthood!

Who knew those 20 years would feel like they went by in a second?  Yet, here we are, about to send our baby off to college.  We will come home to a quieter, emptier house.  I feel a little bit nervous, not just for our daughter off doing new college things, but for us, learning how to do this as two people, not just 'mom' and 'dad'.

We stand on the edge of new possibilities and know with one step, we will start writing the next chapter.  I don't want us to be timid with our steps.  This is going to be a grand adventure, with travel and fun and all around good times with lots of hand holding and secret language smiles.  Be brave! Be bold!  Be us!

So, buck up little cowboys, it's time to leap.

Coffee Confession

Confession: I'm not sure I'm wild about the taste of coffee.  

Gasps are heard round the world, I know, because I drink it. Faithfully. I order lattes and mochas and no milk, no sugar iced coffees and I brew a pot every morning and I heat up cups throughout the day and I am not fully started on my work morning without a cup of Joe.

But I'm not convinced I love the taste.

I will drink weak coffee and strong coffee, and gas station coffee that has sat for days. I will try any road side coffee stand, even in the middle of the Yukon where a family from Seattle must try the mocha to give an honest Seattle Coffee Lovers opinion (which we smiled and said great and drove a few miles down the road and dumped it out the window).  I will drink it hot and cold and even room temperature.  I will drink it straight up black with no frills, or with a drop of cream or with a swirl of French Vanilla.  I will drink it up and down and sideways, one straw, two straws, no straw.

Yet I keep coming around to the idea that I don't love the taste.

I would question myself and ask if I'm an addict, but I can go days without it. I  can go camping and not suffer the unbearable withdrawals....but I miss it.  I miss the ritual of measuring the grounds and hearing the coffee pot start to perk.  I miss the aroma and the feel of holding a warm mug in my hand.  I miss that first bit of morning, when the world is quiet and I'm giving myself another 15 minutes to sit and relax and drink my coffee.

I like the comfortable routine of starting my day off with a cup of hot beverage.  And since I positively hate tea, coffee is for me!

This post is inspired by prompt #1 at Mama's Losin' It!

18 Years Ago Today

Here is where I get a little teary eyed and start looking for that elusive box of tissue.

Eighteen years ago today, right about now, I was starting day two of trying to have a baby.  Yesterday's induction didn't take and I was sick with preeclampsia and there wasn't much option for us at that point except to have a baby now.

I'd spent a restless night tossing and turning in the hospital bed, with my husband snoring next to me on the fold out chair, and I was so ready to be done.  Let's go, baby, I thought. Get a move on!

And now, it's been 18 years, in a blink of an eye.  That moment she was born, purple with the cord around her neck, to first days of preschool, middle school, high school, trips to Seaside, Washington DC, France, needing to be carried, needing to hold my hand, needing to snuggle in my bed, needing to borrow the car, needing to be grown, all has passed in an instant.

I'm standing here, looking at this amazing young woman, and I'm so proud of her.  She marches to her own drummer, always has, and I pray she always will!

Although, the tables have turned. I'm not the one saying "Let's go, get a move on!"  She is.  She is ready to cannonball into life!  I'll be at her side, with a towel and sunscreen, cheering her on.

Things I Want My Daughter To Know

I thought I'd close this chapter of our lives with a post of all the things I want my daughter to know before she takes that next leap into adulthood.  I started to make a list of, in my opinion, profound bits of wisdom, but one by one I crossed them off because the things I was writing, were things that she knows.

I've done my job then.  She knows all the things I wanted to impart.

Except, this one thing, that I know she will roll her eyes at and say "Mama," in that exasperated tone that only almost 18 year old girls can do, but this one thing is going to be true for the rest of her life. She might as well accept it.

She will always, always, always be my child, and I will never stop loving her or worrying about her or trying to help her in anyway I can.

That's what moms do.....we love our children.

To the Moon and Back, Leah.

Always.

One Giant Step Forward

It wasn't so very long ago that this lovely, grown-up person

Was this small

How time has flown by!

It feels like one day I turned around and it wasn't a little girl following in my footsteps,

It is a young woman quickly catching up to walk beside me.

I have been so lucky,

Blessed beyond measure,

To be her Mom.

Our Favorite Things

Another year, another Seaside trip; it doesn't get old.  The excitement of the road trip as we get closer and closer, until we are counting down the minutes until we are out of the car and thoughts of the beach, the sand, the snacks, the buckets, the shovels and kites fill our heads and hearts.  It was a good trip, fun, great weather, and I know I'm not the only one who wished it was just one day longer!

These are a few of our favorite things:

Renna: the water

Toran: the pool

Finn: the pool

Rory: too many to pick!

Micah: passing the swim test, digging a hole deep enough to hit water, the sweat shirt shop

Jack: the beach

Leah: the sweat shirt shop, the beach before the sunburn

Lisa: Norma's and watching Amy crawl up the stairs after one shot

Brandon: good beach time and game nights

Amy: the beach, sunshine, holes that didn't wash away

Michelle: sand under my feet and tasting Lisa' Goldschlager

Karen: Pitch Perfect 2

Randy: the swimming pool, swimming with Renna

Only 360 days until we go back.  Let the countdown begin!!

Four Days To Go

Today I started my day like I have started every day for the last four years: I got up early, made coffee, gave my daughter her first of at least two wake up calls.  I poured some coffee and sat down to enjoy the quiet of the house before our day really gets started.

I thought of last night, watching my daughter accept her valedictorian sash, another award for top scholarship in the state of Washington, and monetary scholarships for the next step in her life.  I listened to the words she'd written, how she didn't set out to be valedictorian, but once she realized she was on a straight 4.0 roll, she knew she would work hard to stay rolling, how one of her greatest achievements in school was maxing out in weight training, how her humor is under appreciated (but that seems less true based on how much laughter her speech generated) and I was stunned by the knowledge that I helped shape this confident, fearless, wonderful girl.

Four school days left and then we say goodbye to high school.  I could say I'm sad to see it go, but I'm not.  I'm so happy for her, so very proud of how much she has to offer life, I'm excited to see where her dreams will take her.

And I will not miss the calls from school.....

"Mom?  I forgot my permission slip for the senior picnic and it is due today.  Can you bring it?  And my French homework?"

Okay....I might miss those easy to fix calls for help!

I Survived!

The good news is I survived the monster under the coach.  After much searching and picking up and an all around straightening on a find the shoe housecleaning spree, I found it.  It was under the couch.  The floor wasn't too dirty, so I got right down and reached way back for the one thing that would complete my outfit.

The bad news is the monster has terrible sharp claws or teeth or both.  It now has a taste for my blood.

The good news is I looked pretty amazing, complete with a Toy Story Band-aid.

Run With It

Today is a new day: a fresh page and my pencil sharpened.
I'm going to focus on the good, let the bad fall way.
Today has all the potential in the world,
I'm going to run with it.
Except for actually running, because I don't do that.
I'm going to fast walk this day, with three dogs and a cooling cup of coffee:
Today is going to be tackled and tamed;
And if it's not exactly that: oh well.
At the end of today I will be able to say I tried!
Tomorrow has all the potential too.....

This Will Be A Funny Story

Last week when we read through our year of blessings, I read one that I had written, saying whatever is living under the porch and making the dogs crazy, is going to make a funny story one day.

That's how I live my life.  I take the no good, horrible, rotten, bad day events and try to find the humor.  Or at least tell myself one day this too will be a funny story.

Today for instance.  It's foggy, I turn on my headlights, and as I am known to do, I left them on.  Much later when I got in the car, I realized I had a dead battery.  

Here's where it gets funny.

The handle to the driver's door isn't working.  I have to roll down the window to open my door with the outside handle. But I have power windows, so I can't get out. The passenger seat is full of boxes and bags, inventory for my shop.  So is the back seat, but I think I can wiggle between the seats and get out the back.

But do I really want to?  I have my phone, my daughter is on her way to help.  I could just sit in the car and be fine.....

Except, as soon as I think that, I realize I have to go to the bathroom.  I suffer through several minutes of toe tapping, debating the worth of wiggling, before I decide I have to go. I can't wait.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and as my butt was stuck up in the windshield, while I contorted my way to freedom, all without wetting my pants, I knew, this will be a funny story.

It pairs nicely with me getting stuck inside the car, due to the handle (again) only the windows were frozen shut and I was wearing a skirt and decided dignity was a nice thing and just waited until the car was literally an oven and the windows unstuck.

I think this door handle business is only going to be funny for about two more stuck in the car stories!

2014 Good Things Highlights

A year ago, my daughter and I sat down at the table and made up jars to hold our daily good things.  It wasn't as daily as we had original thought, but when we opened our jars on New Years Eve and read our good things out loud, taking turns sharing moments that had made our days better, it was astounding.

Our days are filled to the brim with good things, like:

Clean sheets
Erik is home
Date with mom, it's nice to be a kid & have her undivided attention
Blue skies & sunshine so brilliant on a cold morning it hurts
Cousin dance party at #3 nephews birthday, I joined in when All the Single Ladies played
Evening walks with Leah and the dogs
Scrambled eggs for dinner two nights in a row
Our spring break day!  Shopping, movies, food & spending time with Leah, wonderful!
A 50 cent horse puzzle, with all the pieces
Saying 'yes' to Leah's trip to France and seeing her excitement
Date night on a Monday!
Lunch & shopping with "the girls" Mom, Amy, Lisa and me
The spreadsheet of my dreams
Sunday nights when Erik is home, watching The Walking Dead
I opened my door to find a Marine standing at attention-Travis!!!-home for a moment, surprise visit
Breakfast at The Bluebird....always reminds me of going there after our ultrasound said 80% chance of baby girl and we ate breakfast and said Leah is a very good name....

It was such a good thing, such a blessing to read our years worth of blessings, we carefully smoothed flat all those notes, found envelopes to hold them, stored them in our hope chests, and started 2015's good things jars.

First good thing of this year: hearing my name as I was walking the dogs, and turning to see Leah catching up with me.  Walking with her and listening to her stories is the perfect start to this year.

Resolution And Commitment

Yes, you saw me out walking the dogs this morning.
No, this isn't a New Years Resolution,
Yes, you haven't seen me walking in awhile.
Yes, it does coincide nicely with New Years Day.
No, this really is not a New Years Resolution.
But, it is a renewed commitment to get out and walk whenever I can and today is a day off and the sun is shining so I bundled up and hit the sidewalks.....

For all you know, I get up at 5 AM to walk every day.
I don't.
But I could if I wanted to.
But I don't.

Still, this is not a resolution.
It's a commitment.
And that is Entirely Different.

Where I Am From

I am from summer long skinned knees, and Band-aids peeling off and bicycles pedaling faster and faster.

I am from a long, winding road, a Grandview in every way.

I am from the Wild Mountain Blackberry, the hunt, the clothes catching, skin scratching thorns, the better patch is just over the next hill, the filled to the brim buckets, the more precious than gold pie.

I am from Ogres and the secret to safety: biting fingernails, humming, whistling, all at the same time, from Christy and Dan and Amy and Lisa.

I am from weak arms after side splitting rounds of laughter and furniture mover extraordinaire, as long as I haven't been laughing.

I am from Let's Go To The Movies and You Are My Sunshine.

I am from Jesus Loves Me and This I Know and faith just because it is faith.

I am from the one place that has never changed, from Grandpa coming in for tea, and Grandma in the kitchen baking, from a cookie jar never empty of chocolate chip cookies and tales of lutefisk and pickled herring.

I am from yearly sister trips to Seaside, the feel of cold sand under our bare feet, blankets and jackets for wrapping up in, and the way watching our kids play on the beach makes us glad.

I am from a place of love and pride, of senior pictures lining hallways, of fridge doors held together by Masterpieces, of the knowledge that my family is behind me, beside me, united with me, all the way, all the time.


This post is inspired by prompt #1 at Mama's Losin' It!

What It Is, What It Isn't

Love isn't just some words I say
Reading them by rote off a page
Little kid anticipating a gold star
Trembling, hoping, Teacher recognize me!
I'm reading real good today.

It's not an accidental habit
An uncontrollable tick
A compulsion that overrides my brain
In thoughtless repetition
As everyday routine as breathing in and out.

I will take this fragile hopeful feeling
And I will grow it in the cold dark moments
Greenhouse style with humid warmth
So in the sunshine glory days
It will cover us both and we can't help but grin.

Moment of Perfection

That moment when you turn on your car, and the best song in the universe is just starting, and you turn it up louder than  you usually would because it is that good, and the sky is pale, pale blue with the sun throwing it's chilly day glow around and even though you've become one of the three little kittens and lost your mittens, the steering wheel isn't so cold you can't stand to touch it, and you can't help but smile because everything about this moment, in this day, is absolute perfection.

The Fives Have It

Five things you don't know about me:

1. I take a lot of selfies.  I'll take a selfie on a family vacation because I know exactly the right angle that makes me look fantastic!

2. I'm crazy for vintage Christmas.  When eBay opens up, it wants to show me all the recently listed vintage Christmas things, and I usually let it.

3. I wear my hair up in a messy bun every night to sleep.  If I didn't pile it up high (crazy Kim Kardashian break the internet high) I die of heat stroke.  Even with the fan blowing on me.

4. I hate the word 'slacks.'  Consequently, you won't find any of those things in my closet!

5. I'm a terrible speller, the worst actually, but I read so much entertainment news, I had no problem at all spelling "Kardashian".....but I spelled 'consequently' wrong.

I know tons of stuff about:

1. Vintage (Christmas especially!)
2. Mac Davis
3. Walking three dogs at the same time
4. Forgiveness
5. Anne of Green Gables (I'm re-reading the series.  Again!)

I know nothing about:

1. Statistics
2. Mechanics
3. Training for a Triathlon
4. Raising more than two kids
5. The sanity of a one dog house

I believe in:

1. Don Williams
2. Love
3. Things I can't explain
4. My Mother senses will never stop working
5. Family

This post inspired by prompt #5 at Mama's Losin' It!

Show and Tell

As a child, show and tell was this glorious, wonderful, hideous day at school.  I'd search the house for just the right show and tell, the perfect treasure to share with my classmates, and most of the time I would not share it.  Getting up in front of the class was terror inducing for me!  But I never lost the joy of the hunt, and the hope that I might be brave enough to share.

Years ago, I bought this book about dogs, because it has a lovely page all about Beagles, and I love me some Beagles.

 But I also love me some books, so I couldn't bear to cut apart the book to look at the picture on a daily basis!  So instead, I put the book on my shelf and enjoyed the knowledge that it had pictures of Beagles.

Yesterday, I took a me day.  I had the day off and the desire to thrift shop, and the urge to drive far and away from my usual thrifting haunts.  I had a great time, pushing the cart up and down the aisles, piling the booty up, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a Beagle in the framed art section.

I pushed my way through two old people and scooped it up.  I didn't even think twice about the price ($14.99 is a bit spendy at a thrift store!) but I was so in love with the picture, I had to have it.

Because it is my book page, all framed up like I thought I might have done!  Now to find the perfect spot to hang it up....I mean, it can only sit at the table like a member of the family for a week before members of my human family might get tired of a dining room chair being claimed by a framed picture!

This post inspired by prompt #1 at Mama's Losin' It!

Real Talk

I may not always say the right thing.
Actually, I know I won't always say the right thing.
I know I won't always have the right words.
I will make mistakes,
I will make huge mistakes,
That make you harden your eyes
And give me a well deserved glare.
But I promise I will always try.
I will always give of myself, over and above,
I will always love and support and care for you,
All ways, all hows, all time,
Because that is what Moms do.

Inspired by prompt #5 at Mama's Losin' It!

Day Three

It's day three with the dogs, in this terrible daylight savings time, terrible because they can't actually tell time by looking a clock, even a digital one, so they let their bodies rule their roosts.  Thus, it's day three of dogs barking at 5:00 AM.

They like to argue that it is only 5:00 AM because we archaically still set our clocks ahead an hour.  It's really 6:00 AM and I should know how much they want to get out of crate at 6:00 AM.

Isn't that just like a dog?  Always trying to turn it back on you, so you know how wrong you are while they remain supremely right.

Or maybe that's just my dogs.