Dog Doppelgangers

It has come to my attention that our lovely Beagle Sarah is a dead ringer for a celebrity.

What? Doesn't everyone know that somewhere, out there, a dog is drooling on the doggy version of your face? It seems like that should be common knowledge.

Sarah is a very cute Beagle, a little on the wrong side of disgustingly skinny. She's healthy, but you can see her rips and every one of her vertebrae. She's also got a very sharp jaw line and a big old mole on her cheek. Her back legs look pretty frail, almost as if they can't support all of her weight.

Today we noticed that Sarah is almost the spitting image of one Sarah Jessica Parker! Yes! Be amazed, but also see the truth in our words.

It's like looking at twins! Granted, SJP has recently removed her mole, while Sarah Beagle now has one on each side of her face....that in itself is suspicious.....

Well, now you know. So when you see the dog that looks like me, quick, take a picture! I'd love to see it.

How To Use Facebook Appropriately

It seems like everyone has a facebook account now days. I wasn't even too shocked when my Grandpa friended me (I only had to have the smelling salts waved under my nose once). I like facebook because it is totally like eavesdropping on conversations without any possibility of being caught. I can creep on you without you really knowing it.

That being said, I think there are some guidelines everyone should start using.

1. Friending people. I know having a huge number of friends is super popular, but honestly, the little red headed girl you met at camp when you were 8 years old does not really remember you nor does she want to be your friend. Think things through before you issue that friend request.

2. Tagging photos. I love to see a good picture of myself. The key word is "good". If you have a picture of me pulling at my waistband while making a weird cat butt face, do not tag me. Do not even post it on facebook! Use the golden rule. Would you like a freaky picture of you posted and tagged? No? Then don't do it to others!

3. Beware of dirty laundry. We all have those tiffs with our loved ones, ones where we want to let everyone know what a dirty stink pot louse they are, but after we've calmed down we are glad we didn't do something so rude. But with facebook, you can post whatever you feel and it is instantly available for all of your hundreds of friends to read. Now all your friends know that you are in a fight, they can read all your rants and if you are me, be very sorry for the TMI.

4. TMI. To much information isn't just about dirty laundry. It can be an overload of posting. Do I need to know that you are folding laundry, then cooking dinner, than going shopping, then getting ready for bed, then....I'm already bored. Post interesting things! Or funny things! Or in the case of me, rarely post anything.

That leads me to an important insight: I am too boring for facebook! I hardly post anything, I check it about once a week, and I am very slow to friend people, even my own family members! It may not be a case of others using facebook appropriately, it may be a case of facebook not being the place for me.

I might be too old school. Give me an email, a letter by snail mail or a good old fashioned blog! Now those are the ways to communicate to friends and family!

I Love You, Craigslist

I love you. Really! I've found great bargains, and perfect finds, thanks to you. I've gotten rid of things for free, first come first serve, no hauling things to the dump for me! I've sold things and 'made' money, so like a garage sale but without the hassle.

You keep me entertained. You give my husband motorcycles to drool over. And you've made me laugh. Some of your posts are funny!

But, you aren't perfect. Nope. It's not your fault. I swear! It's the flakes that use you. I know, I know. Those flakes are the ones who've sold me my lovely couch or who've picked up a bag of free iris bulbs out of my front yard.

I don't mind the fact that I'm going to get about ten emails on a single item posted. I ignore the ones that are long distance phone numbers, with the call me please plea. I never meet someone halfway. I try to be fair and contact people in the order they email.

But I have a box of dragon legos that I can not get rid of. I've had three people make a plan to look at them, and then nothing. Not one word after that.

I've decided to take it as a sign from God! I wasn't sure if I was ready to let go of my son's favorite toys, even though he is too old for them. I'm not ready. They will be packed up and stored (right now my husband is gasping 'not in the bonus room!') and maybe in a couple years, when my nephews are older, the dragons will find a new home.

Or they'll sit in the bonus room for the next ten years and when my son has his own home, I'll pass them on to his bonus room.

And now, I've got to keep my morning date with you. It's E! news and free stuff on Craigslist that make my morning complete!

The TV Show I Should Stop Watching

I have a love hate relationship with A&E's show, "Hoarders". I should stop watching it for several reasons, but I can't. I think I love gasping in horror and saying, "E, can you believe that? Isn't that awful?"

First off, it's on Monday nights at 10. It is an hour long. That means I won't be thinking about going to bed until after 11! That's pretty late, and before you say, "Well, you are getting older, late nights aren't easy any more," let me be very clear. Late nights have never been easy for me! I was usually the first girl to fall asleep at slumber parties and New Year's Eve is my least favorite holiday!

Second, the show is called "Hoarders". It is all about people who are, you know, hoarders. They can't get rid of anything and usually end up living in a chair because that is the only "clear" space in the entire house. It is actually stomach turning to watch the tours of the house. There is no way I can snack during that show, even if it wasn't long past our cut off hour for snacking. Turns out, I can't eat while watching other people on TV shovel out houses full of human waste and dead animals.

But the real troubles come after the show, after 11, when I spend about 20 minutes wandering my house seeing signs of hoarding in myself! I do not stand for clutter. If it doesn't have a place, it doesn't stay long in our house. But after Monday nights, I can hardly stand to see the pile of clothes I have yet to put away, the stacks of creative memory works in progress I have on my desk and God forbid my bedroom trash overflow at all.

It is making me crazy.

My husband can attest to the truth in that statement!

And yet, every Monday at 10, we are cruising the channel guide. Is it a repeat? No? Then change the channel, quick! I don't want to miss one moment of stomach turning, gasp inducing programming!

The Dangers of Texting While Mom Is Talking

Last night I told my son I'd blogged about him (he was holding his cell phone in his hand waiting for another text) and he was shocked. Shocked!

He wanted to know what I wrote and his sister said, "Texting and fast forwarding." I assumed she'd read the blog, but she shook her head and said no. My son wanted to know how she knew about it if she hadn't read it yet.

Um, I totally told him I was going to blog about his texting on Sunday night. Didn't he remember? His sister remembered.

He smiled and said, "Sorry. I must have been texting."

UGH!!!!!

New Laws For Texters

We all know the dangers of texting while driving, but I'm here to warn of another serious consequence to texting while doing something else.....

Texting and fast forwarding DVR shows.

You're cruising along with three fast forward arrows rocking the commercials when a text comes in. The next thing you know the show is half gone and your family is yelling "Too far! Too far!"

Then you rewind it to the end of the commercials and start of the show, but that doesn't work so you just push play and your family has to watch those blasted commercials.

All so you can text while being in charge of the remote!

Dangerous business, my son. We might have to create new laws to govern the use of cell phone texting in relation to family life.

First law: No texting while in charge of the remote control. Second law: Umm.....actually, other than the remote thing, your texting is not a problem. Curiosity provoking, making a mother practically drool for wanting to know what you could possibly be texting about every 30 seconds, but otherwise unobtrusive.

Okay then. Carry on, just leave the remote control out of it. Those poor innocent shows being forced to fast forward or fast rewind will thank you for it. As will your family.

Snooze Button Rant

Whoever invented the snooze button for alarm clocks must have felt very pleased with himself. What a concept! Hit the button and have nine more minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off again. Everyone is going to want this feature on their alarm clock!

As much as I hate the button, I do use it. On occasion. Okay. I set my alarm specifically for 5:51 so I could hit the snooze and get up at 6, feeling like I've got to sleep in.

It's a trick my body does not appreciate. For as soon as I hit snooze, I fall back asleep. Like sound, having dreams, asleep. Nine minutes later I am once again jerked awake by that beeping, and do not feel rested at all.

I tell myself to just jump out of bed. Ignore that easily pushed button that stops that terrible noise. Instead, fumble for the right button to turn the alarm all the way off. Do I do what I tell myself too?

Sometimes. But usually I fall for the old trick of just needing to rest nine minutes more. Snooze....ZZZZZZZZZZZ

And let's not get me started on who made alarm clocks beep in that heart stopping way.