Dear Neighbor Across The Street

My dear neighbor, we live directly across from each other.

You might not realize it, but your kitchen window is huge and it does not have a curtain to cover it.

The other night, when you were in the kitchen in all your 1970's stoner glory, with your long stringy blond hair, no shirt to hold your pot belly in, and very low slung pants, we could see you. We could see you there, at 8:30 at night, cooking what looked like an elaborate feast. You were doing a very good impression of Emeril, with lots of flinging spices into pots, and raising your arms up. I could almost hear you saying, "Bam!"

The thing is, it was late. It was dark outside, and your kitchen window was like a spotlight, drawing our eyes like moths. We couldn't help but stare.

So, I'm writing this to apologize, dear neighbor. I'm pretty sure you weren't putting on a show for our entertainment. You just had a bad case of the munchies. That's cool.

I was going to say, next time we won't stare. But that would be a lie. If you are going to be mostly naked in a brightly lit kitchen, we will most likely be looking.

Dear neighbor, all of this could be avoided if you would invest in some curtains. They're not just for pretty! Curtains would benefit all of us greatly. Just something to think about. The rest of the neighborhood might be willing to raise some money for curtains. I know I'd throw in a few bucks.

Okay, that's a lie. You kitchen cooking is highly entertaining!