So, we are almost half-way through this deployment. It's gone by fast, yet every day has seemed to last an eternity. Funny how missing someone desperately does that to time.
The first time I changed the sheets on our bed after he left, I cried and cried. It's a very silly thing to cry over, but I was loathe to change them, to wash away his scent. And knowing there would only be Emma there to enjoy fresh clean tucked in tight sheets was sad. Emma prefers her sheets in a waded nest mess anyway. After almost 15 years of making our bed, I can not stop making his side just how he likes it, even when I know he won't be there. I do not like my blankets and covers tucked in all the way around, he does. Our bed is always half and half. Since it's just me, I would think I'd could do it my way every time. Nope. It's never happened yet, and I will bet I do it this exact way for the rest of my life.
Going to bed at night is sometimes the hardest part of my day. We go to bed together, unless he's working graveyards. We lay down and talk about our day without the kids eavesdropping. I still turn towards his side of the bed, resting my hand on his pillow. It's not even close to the same, although Emma is usually curled up with me, but it's a habit of years and I can't stop. I don't want to.
Plus it gives me a view of something that is exactly the way it always is. His running shorts are hanging on the closet door knob, ready for him to come home. I like seeing them there. It's a promise of how life will get back to normal. It won't stay like this forever.
And when he gets home, if those shorts get left on the floor of our room or the bathroom after his run, for a time, I will enjoy picking them up. For a short time!
Let this last half of deployment fly by, so I can find those sweaty shorts on the floor again.
The first time I changed the sheets on our bed after he left, I cried and cried. It's a very silly thing to cry over, but I was loathe to change them, to wash away his scent. And knowing there would only be Emma there to enjoy fresh clean tucked in tight sheets was sad. Emma prefers her sheets in a waded nest mess anyway. After almost 15 years of making our bed, I can not stop making his side just how he likes it, even when I know he won't be there. I do not like my blankets and covers tucked in all the way around, he does. Our bed is always half and half. Since it's just me, I would think I'd could do it my way every time. Nope. It's never happened yet, and I will bet I do it this exact way for the rest of my life.
Going to bed at night is sometimes the hardest part of my day. We go to bed together, unless he's working graveyards. We lay down and talk about our day without the kids eavesdropping. I still turn towards his side of the bed, resting my hand on his pillow. It's not even close to the same, although Emma is usually curled up with me, but it's a habit of years and I can't stop. I don't want to.
Plus it gives me a view of something that is exactly the way it always is. His running shorts are hanging on the closet door knob, ready for him to come home. I like seeing them there. It's a promise of how life will get back to normal. It won't stay like this forever.
And when he gets home, if those shorts get left on the floor of our room or the bathroom after his run, for a time, I will enjoy picking them up. For a short time!
Let this last half of deployment fly by, so I can find those sweaty shorts on the floor again.
I think of you every time I change the sheets on our bed because I know how much you and Erik love the first night on clean sheets. I'm glad you are halfway through the deployment. Also, glad I had the blog on Emma to read to help me stop crying!
ReplyDeleteMichelle...you're my hero! Thank you for putting your own sadness aside and helping me deal with Kevin's absence this weekend...I had a blast! Let me know when you're ready for another trip to the commisary...I'll bring the tip! :)
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