Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Frankenstein Tights

I had just left the hospital, prepared to walk 2 blocks back to my office, when I felt it, that horrible moment when a weak spot in my tights break, and I feel a laddering run begin to creep.  It's very soft, almost like an insect's delicate steps on my leg, but I feel it.

As usual, it started at my toes.  I balanced on one foot and took off my shoe to see the extent of the damage.  Oh, bad.  Horror!  I limited my swearing to, "Oh poops!"  Then I put my shoe on and walked back to the office, so very aware of how fast the run was advancing.

I got inside and thought, okay.  It's still salvageable if the run does not move past the top of my foot....so of course, I felt the other foot sprout a ruinous hole.  And it was only the start of my work day.  Oh poops!

But all is not lost.  I am a firm believer in clear nail polish and putting tights on 'backward' so what used to be kissing cousins with the bottom of my feet is now viewing the world from the tops.  If it's a bad hole, I will sew it up, and as long as the problem can be turned over or hidden by shoes, I will continue to wear those tights until the elastic gives out.

And be very proud of how thrifty and economical and unwasteful I am when I view those Frankenstein stitches.

On the plus side, I can easily tell which is the front and which is the back of my tights now!  That actually had been a bigger issue than one would think!

7 comments:

  1. I am still laughing at what constitutes potty mouth in your world. After a lifetime of stifling myself, and now having no one but Annie and the bowsers to hear me, I am afraid my vocabulary extends beyond "Oh, Poops!" I will readily admit, though, in the past to confining my inappropriate language to underneath the house, while doing any form of plumbing. I am told that tickets were sold to bystanders for these aural presentations. Loved this post!

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    1. That's my public potty mouth. I'm afraid in my own home, I can really raise the rafters. Goes hand in hand with hanging out with too many Coast Guard sailors in my youth! And too many rowdy bikers today....

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  2. Michelle, you make me laugh! And I tell you, with the "swearing" and the clear nail polish and sewing up of little holes in our nylons or tights, I'm sure we must be soul sisters!

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  3. Tights must be salvaged at any cost. Even if that cost is the dignity of the wearer! Just make sure you do throw them away when the elastic wears out... we all know the twist and safety pin method does not work.

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    1. Oh yes. Lesson learned the hard way! But once the waist wears out, those lovely tights are donzo!

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  4. This was hilarious and makes me all the more grateful that work attire at my job is tights-free. (Jeans and a decent shirt and I'm good to go.)

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